Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Arev's Graduation
Arev is graduating tomorrow! She has been more than ready to kiss high school goodbye for a year now. I'm glad she will no longer be oppressed by the physical prison any more (my little inside joke- I always compare high school to a physical prison and college as a mental prison- it's always one or the other with the education system so I believe -I guess you could say I'm not a school person) anyways, she's out shopping for a dress, and Azy's coming in from Sugar Pine tomorrow to help me cheer Arev on. It's going to be a fun night I believe. Woohoo!!!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Other Places
So my job wait/search has become bearable at least. Every morning I wake up with my heart beating kind of fast because it's the first thing I think about when I wake up. Isn't that sad. Anyways, then I spend some time on the couch struggling with God while reading my Bible which eventually leads to me praying on my knees.
I realized the other day that one of the ladies at new cov had something I didn't. She works with her daughter in a cleaning service she started after she lost her husband in an accident and all income with it. Anyways, I was in one of my moods ready to start crying when I saw her come down the stairs, I turned away to avoid conversation but the funny thing was she didn't even see me. Instead I ended up watching her pick up little pieces of garbage off of the floor but what was most amazing was that she looked completely at peace, at ease, in a calm satisfied place doing it. I think it was a God moment showing me how he could bring the greatest amount of peace and satisfaction to every moment. Even moments that you would think should be sad and miserable.
She made me want what she had. There I was feeling so low and she had everything that I wanted. Why can't I just simplify my life and let God take care of things like she did with hers? Why is it so difficult for me to believe that where God wants me is where I am supposed to be regardless of how difficult it is right now. I don't know.
Anyways, today I applied to Uncle Harry's Bagels (which IS a bagelry- Jesse didn't believe that the word existed and that I was making it up until I saw it on the sign and told him so in a voice mail I sent him), checked on my application at Home Goods, picked up an application at Vonda's. That's where I am at for now. I was also mildly promised a position at the Fresno Pacific Kitchen. I was supposed to call in today to come in for an interview but when I did they pushed it back to next Monday- so we'll see if that comes through.
I realized the other day that one of the ladies at new cov had something I didn't. She works with her daughter in a cleaning service she started after she lost her husband in an accident and all income with it. Anyways, I was in one of my moods ready to start crying when I saw her come down the stairs, I turned away to avoid conversation but the funny thing was she didn't even see me. Instead I ended up watching her pick up little pieces of garbage off of the floor but what was most amazing was that she looked completely at peace, at ease, in a calm satisfied place doing it. I think it was a God moment showing me how he could bring the greatest amount of peace and satisfaction to every moment. Even moments that you would think should be sad and miserable.
She made me want what she had. There I was feeling so low and she had everything that I wanted. Why can't I just simplify my life and let God take care of things like she did with hers? Why is it so difficult for me to believe that where God wants me is where I am supposed to be regardless of how difficult it is right now. I don't know.
Anyways, today I applied to Uncle Harry's Bagels (which IS a bagelry- Jesse didn't believe that the word existed and that I was making it up until I saw it on the sign and told him so in a voice mail I sent him), checked on my application at Home Goods, picked up an application at Vonda's. That's where I am at for now. I was also mildly promised a position at the Fresno Pacific Kitchen. I was supposed to call in today to come in for an interview but when I did they pushed it back to next Monday- so we'll see if that comes through.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Freezing Market
I finally broke down and applied to Target, this is my last shot. I just heard that the church is freezing all hiring which is a definite no for me. oh well, I guess I wasn't too surprised to hear that. Arev called me and said she was praying for me, I suggested she pray more, lol. She's such a sweet heart. I guess there's nothing else I can do.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Creation
"For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into glorious freedom of the children of God" -Romans 8:20-21
This is what I feel like, the creation that was subjected to frustration - not by my own choice but by the will of the one who subjected it. But I don't think I ever really thought about the second part of the verse and how it applied to me- in hopes that the creation itself (me) would be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into glorious freedom... the funny thing is that for the last month and a half I've been praying for freedom. Freedom from my anxieties, my anger, my tendency to grab food when I'm nervous (the whole comforting thing). I've been praying that I would not live with just a "managing" life style because at points it all just crashes down on to me. I need complete and absolute freedom from all of it.
I don't understand how subjecting creation to frustration can lead to even more freedom. I know and feel like in the last two to three months I've been hurting every single day. But knowing that it will eventually lead to freedom...well it gives me breath to breathe. It shakes my focus on this day to look forward to a new day. I've been wanting a new song to sing rather than this old "this life sucks" sort of thing. I wonder what my new song will be and when God will bring it.
This is what I feel like, the creation that was subjected to frustration - not by my own choice but by the will of the one who subjected it. But I don't think I ever really thought about the second part of the verse and how it applied to me- in hopes that the creation itself (me) would be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into glorious freedom... the funny thing is that for the last month and a half I've been praying for freedom. Freedom from my anxieties, my anger, my tendency to grab food when I'm nervous (the whole comforting thing). I've been praying that I would not live with just a "managing" life style because at points it all just crashes down on to me. I need complete and absolute freedom from all of it.
I don't understand how subjecting creation to frustration can lead to even more freedom. I know and feel like in the last two to three months I've been hurting every single day. But knowing that it will eventually lead to freedom...well it gives me breath to breathe. It shakes my focus on this day to look forward to a new day. I've been wanting a new song to sing rather than this old "this life sucks" sort of thing. I wonder what my new song will be and when God will bring it.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Jesse's sympathy
It's hard waking up in the mornings knowing I have nothing planned. It's not like one of those great moments when you've been dying for a break -when you're excited that you have nothing planned. No it's rather "oh, I'm awake...what do I do...I don't want to lie around all day, I'm tired of volunteering, I'm frustrated with all the employers calling (rather not!), I guess I could look through a magazine until Jesse wakes up and gets ready for work"-it's that kind of apathy I wake up with every morning. There's just nothing to do, I'm so frustrated I don't even want to clean up the apartment, btw it's a mess.
Anyways, Jesse always some how ends up talking me into getting dressed and going with him to NewCov to help him out. We were home during lunch and the tv was on, and low and behold the commercial came on (which I talked about in the previous blog) and Jesse was in the middle of making lunch in the kitchen when he heard it come on. He bolted over and turned the tv off, lol- and I knew he had read my blog.
Life just sucks right now. I don't like being at home and i'm tired of hanging out everywhere else- I'm basically useless. I don't understand God sometimes or what He's doing. I have no clue what's going on or where I'm headed. I feel like the only thing that helps are prayers, that's the only time I see a difference and I know people are thinking of me. I see God move then.
Anyways, Jesse always some how ends up talking me into getting dressed and going with him to NewCov to help him out. We were home during lunch and the tv was on, and low and behold the commercial came on (which I talked about in the previous blog) and Jesse was in the middle of making lunch in the kitchen when he heard it come on. He bolted over and turned the tv off, lol- and I knew he had read my blog.
Life just sucks right now. I don't like being at home and i'm tired of hanging out everywhere else- I'm basically useless. I don't understand God sometimes or what He's doing. I have no clue what's going on or where I'm headed. I feel like the only thing that helps are prayers, that's the only time I see a difference and I know people are thinking of me. I see God move then.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Job search...take 14
Alright, I just newly graduated more than two weeks ago from a private university located in Fresno, California. It's time to cash in those college dollars for a real job, only there is not one available! Can any one say lame?
Now, not only are there not any positions available in the area I received a degree in, but there are no menial jobs open as well! I think that I've decided that this might have been one of the worst times to graduate.
Those annoying commercials keep coming on tv where they repeat over and over again "I don't make any money, I can't get a job because I didn't graduate high school, I didn't graduate high school, I didn't graduate high school" (you know, the one's with the really bad actors) at which point I chime in "I don't make any money and I graduated from college". This doesn't seem fair, I actually graduated High school, went onto college and managed to finish that too! What's my next option- going back to school to get a masters because no one is hiring now? This seems ridiculous to me. All I can do is apply, apply and apply, I wonder how long this blog is going to last for.
Jesse convinced me to do this to keep track of how the job search is going as well as vent my frustrations to the world. we'll see what happens, after all this is only day 14 of job search 2008.
Now, not only are there not any positions available in the area I received a degree in, but there are no menial jobs open as well! I think that I've decided that this might have been one of the worst times to graduate.
Those annoying commercials keep coming on tv where they repeat over and over again "I don't make any money, I can't get a job because I didn't graduate high school, I didn't graduate high school, I didn't graduate high school" (you know, the one's with the really bad actors) at which point I chime in "I don't make any money and I graduated from college". This doesn't seem fair, I actually graduated High school, went onto college and managed to finish that too! What's my next option- going back to school to get a masters because no one is hiring now? This seems ridiculous to me. All I can do is apply, apply and apply, I wonder how long this blog is going to last for.
Jesse convinced me to do this to keep track of how the job search is going as well as vent my frustrations to the world. we'll see what happens, after all this is only day 14 of job search 2008.