Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Feeling Better
okay so during my last post I was clearly feeling angry and very emotional. But I think I feel better now. lol. Things have gotten better and I'm used to working at chic-fil-a now- so things are turning upwards. I did apply for a position at the Fresno Pacific North Center but for some reason I'm not feeling like it's going to come through- not a surprise since from the begining God has been doing some funny things with the direction I'm headed in. any ways, what else can I say- I have figured out that I love teaching and thus want to be in ministry interacting and growing with people, but I haven't decided or rather figured out what department I want to be in more- childrens or womens? I like when I'm teaching kids and they finally understand what Jesus is saying! it's one of the coolest moments ever when it finally clicks with them- but I also like connecting with women and encouraging them through the word- ya know? I feel like God might keep me at Chic-fil-a while he grows me some more- which isn't so bad- but I just want everything now- I want my dream job now. I don't want to wait God knows how long, lol. just give it to me now! please? I don't think I can persuade God. oh well...there's an update for everyone since my last temper tantrum.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
More Changes
Sigh...today was our first Sunday at North West which will probably lead to many more Sundays at North West.
Change is hard, this has been a whole year of change for me and I don't like it but it's not my place to tell God how he's supposed to be running my life.
I'm getting used to working at Chick-fil-A and learning to make every single day a day to (a) serve the Lord and (b) serve our owner Sonja. It's hard at times. Sometimes I'm so tired of people I don't think I can stand the sight of another person, and sometimes I'm faced with so many challenges I just want to give up sit in a corner and cry. But then I stop sabotaging the situation and relax to see what God can do through me and He does a lot!
I miss stability. More than anything I'm reeling from the neglect I felt from our previous church. Being let go and wished a happy life by the ones you love sucks when you trust yourself to them and they don't seem to care any more because you are no longer an asset to them. No one thinks it's going to happen to them and everyone pretty much turns a blind eye to it until it gets them too. I really have been trying to process feeling betrayed and neglected by the same church that brought me to Christ.
It all sounds depressing but it's everything that I've been dealing with lately and I needed an outlet. I've decided I'm not going to turn a blind eye to these things anymore. I get so mad when it's just accepted as normal. That's not what Christians are called to and I will never be a part of something like that- or a church like that ever.
Change is hard, this has been a whole year of change for me and I don't like it but it's not my place to tell God how he's supposed to be running my life.
I'm getting used to working at Chick-fil-A and learning to make every single day a day to (a) serve the Lord and (b) serve our owner Sonja. It's hard at times. Sometimes I'm so tired of people I don't think I can stand the sight of another person, and sometimes I'm faced with so many challenges I just want to give up sit in a corner and cry. But then I stop sabotaging the situation and relax to see what God can do through me and He does a lot!
I miss stability. More than anything I'm reeling from the neglect I felt from our previous church. Being let go and wished a happy life by the ones you love sucks when you trust yourself to them and they don't seem to care any more because you are no longer an asset to them. No one thinks it's going to happen to them and everyone pretty much turns a blind eye to it until it gets them too. I really have been trying to process feeling betrayed and neglected by the same church that brought me to Christ.
It all sounds depressing but it's everything that I've been dealing with lately and I needed an outlet. I've decided I'm not going to turn a blind eye to these things anymore. I get so mad when it's just accepted as normal. That's not what Christians are called to and I will never be a part of something like that- or a church like that ever.