Bummed Out

The last couple of days I've just been complaining over and over again about having to go to work to a fast food restaurant- even though I haven't started.  During the days my heart beats faster and I'm nervous about how everythings going to start and get going.  Part of me kept hurting at the idea of going back to work but I couldn't put my finger on why- I just kept feeling empty and sad.  

I think I just bearly realized it today  was because I'm  not going to be with Jesse anymore.  For eight months we've gone to work together and spent almost a hundred percent of all of our time together and we've grown so much from that.  Now I'm going to be spending a major part of my day without turning around and seeing him next to me and it really makes me cry. I don't understand why we have to go threw what we're going threw and why this change in our life had to happen so quickly and unexpectantly and why it does not seem as though there are going to be any more doors that are giong to open to Jesse and I that allows us to further the Kingdom together.  It feels like we're being seperated.  I know it sounds like I'm being dramatic but after you've grown so close to a person any distance seems like a tearing away. I wish we could work together somewhere and know we were doing the work of God. I just don't know any more.