The Shack

Okay so I've been reading this book that my friend Katie let me borrow titled The Shack written by William P. Young. It's supposed to be about this man who meets God in a Shack somewhere in the middle of a frozen wasteland (it's fiction btw). Anyways- I thought it would be interesting to read it considering my current circumstances- being denied the nth job I applied to- and everything looks good- my resume has been perfected several times, blah blah blah still haven't gotten a job and at this point I'm wondering what in the world God is up to. He is getting to the point where He is making me furious.

Getting on with it- anyways there's this point in the dialogue when Mack- (main character who's meeting with God)- and Papa -(God) are talking about why humans feel so limited, not understanding the love of God and how that changes their understanding and view of God. I should also mention that in the book, God is a big black lady- any ways here's it goes:

"Well, I really have no idea. I mean, you're God and I'm not." (Mack speaking) He couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but she ignored it completely.

"Yes, but not exactly. At least not in the way you're thinking. Mackenzie, I am what some would say 'holy and wholly other than you.' The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn't much and then call that God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I'm not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think." (pg 98)

Anyways- I read this and it made me laugh a little- I think I'm doing that with God right now- making him the best picture of me. I'm trying to understand Him by giving Him a human mind limiting Him in the same ways all humans are. This is all so confusing. I keep thinking that if I accuse Him of something- He'll have to show up to defend Himself. Nothing yet- I'll report back when I have a shack like experience with Him- boy will that be fun.

I'm back!

Yay! I'm back online- this only took about forever! my computer was slowly starting to die on me and I couldn't watch it sink down in to nothingness so I stopped using it completely. Jesse is more connected online and had to deal with the dumb Dell computer- this was bad and it didn't even have a virus! it took ten minutes to load sometimes fifteen and if you tried to open a program up in the middle of the loading process (heaven forbid) it would take twenty minutes total and to top that it would freeze when it was done- can you believe this? Me and Jess decided that the next computer we invest our money into is definately Not going to be a pc- it's going to be a mac. Wow I never thought we would have turned but Dell did it.

Any ways the coolest part of my day yesterday was that I got to talk online with Julia who's in Japan! it was so nice to hear from her and I didn't realize it until I began chatting but I missed her so much and to know she was so far away was sad. I did want to ask her how great the possibility was for her to jump from Japan and into China to see the Olympics- but I think that would sound way too dumb, lol, so I didn't ask.

Onto the hard stuff- so they let Jesse go from NewCov cause of budget problems. Yeah...lol, now we're both home with some projects to do but I find myself flipping back and forth through different emotions. Mad at everything- including the church and then I feel so free because we are no longer tied down to New Cov. I remeber feeling a little trapped because of this job because I thought we'd always have to stay in Fresno. I honestly thought Jesse would have this job forever. I thought maybe ten years down the road God would call us somewhere else but I didn't think it would happen 8 months into the job ya know?

Anyways I've been sruggling with understanding and trusting in the goodness of Godand I came across this in Tozers The knowledge of the Holy written by Charles Wesley

O God, my hope, my heavenly rest,
My all of happiness below,
Grand my importunate request,
To me, to me, Thy goodness show;
Thy beatific face display,
The brightness of eternal day.

Before my faith's enlightened eyes,
Make all Thy gracious goodness pass;
Thy goodness is the sight I prize;
O might I see Thy smiling face;
Thy nature in my soul proclaim,
Reveal Thy love, Thy glorious name